Single Dad

Signing Off

2007-08-29T08:22:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven’t written in a while I have been overwhelmed with work and with Wyatt. We’ve been traveling as I told you about in my previous post and now I’m behind at work and at home. My lawn is out of control! I have saved all my blogs in hopes that Wyatt may read them some day and see how much his father has cared for him and if you have the time I encourage you to write down your feelings and thoughts about your children. I have to be honest, each time I sit here and write I’m nearly in tears before I’m finished. Not because I’m sad, but for the overwhelming affection I have for my son. Thank you for reading my ramblings. God bless you and yours.

Priceless

2007-08-16T14:10:00.001-07:00

Wyatt retuned home from a week long vacation with his Mother last Friday and as I hoped he was more than thrilled to be home again. He received a small blue stuffed puppy while he was gone and was quite insistent it needed a puppy doghouse to live in. Wyatt didn’t know it but I would have built him just about whatever he asked for as I was just as thrilled to have him back home again as he was to be here. So we made a trip to the local hardware store to purchase the necessary materials to build a small puppy doghouse…for a small blue stuffed puppy dog.

We worked all day Saturday Wyatt and I, well mostly me as Wyatt explored every tool in the garage. It was a perfect day, Father and Son side by side laughing and talking about anything that interested a four year old boy. A trip to the snow cone stand capped off the day as we celebrated our achievement. A small puppy doghouse painted yellow with a red door…for a small blue stuffed puppy.

It’s a cliché I know, $10 for hardware store materials, $.75 for a snow cone, an afternoon spent building something, anything, with your child, Priceless. But it’s the truth, I would gladly pay ten times that amount to have those moments and make those memories with Wyatt. Thank you Lord for that priceless opportunity.

2007-07-08T11:02:00.000-07:00

I was asked a question last night, a question I’m sure I’ve been asked before but as I labored under the hot afternoon sun today mowing my lawn I had time to reflect on the question, and my answer. The question proposed to me by a man I respect and admire, my boss, yes my boss, a good Lutheran himself.
“When was the happiest time in your life?”…………………
Well, I have been blessed for sure. I had a lot of fun in my teenage years and probably too much fun in my early twenties! Then there was this girl, as there always is, the one before my ex-wife. Gorgeous, fun, caring, with a smile that would light up the world. I’ve had a lot of nice things, nice cars and trucks, a motorcycle, a house and once a beautiful family with a wife and two kids. I’ve been a lot places seen a lot of nice things but when was I the happiest? It didn’t take long, not as long as it took me to write this paragraph. The time when I was the happiest was just a few days ago, just before Wyatt went back to his mother’s. Wyatt and I traveled for several days, saw Thomas the Tank Engine stopped at an amusement park on a whim, visited my parents, Sister and my nephew. We must of drove 1,200 miles in 6 days and the time Wyatt and I shared, the long miles across corn field states, rain and blistering sun were times I’ll remember for ever and I know Wyatt will too! And I bet when Wyatt comes home in a few days, the happiest times will begin again. The bond between my son and I is priceless and to see that big grin on his face for whatever reason makes me happy. The happiest I have ever been.

Denied

2007-06-08T11:45:00.000-07:00

Somehow along the way of life I have become a minority. Not because of my race or religion, but because I’m a single Dad who cares for his kid. I’m not sure why it is assumed that the majority of fathers either don’t care or don’t think they have what it takes to be a full time dad but, it’s sad, it’s ridiculous and it irritates me. I don’t like being treated like an anomaly. “Oh, you’re a weekend Dad?” No I’m a full time Dad and no, I’m not gay I just happen to care more for my child than anything else in the world.

A friend from Church asked if I had taken Wyatt to a new Pizza place that just opened made just for kids. I said I hadn’t heard of it have you been? “Yes, some of the mothers from day care and I took our kids last week.” When asked why someone didn’t tell me I was given the excuse, “Well it was a girl’s thing.” My son missed an opportunity to play with his friends outside of day care because his Dad doesn’t always fit in? It’s not that big of a deal but it gives an example how a single Dad is something the world still has a hard time adjusting to and accepting. The way I see it, God wouldn’t have given me this opportunity if he didn’t think I was cut out for it and I intend not to let him down.

Gone Fishing

2007-05-23T05:11:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I took Wyatt on his first fishing trip. What an adventure for the both of us. You would have thought the poor boy had never been out of the house! He was so excited he couldn’t stand in one place for more than 5 seconds. Which means his fishing line didn’t stay in the water for more than 5 seconds either. Not too many fish caught like that but it seemed the number of fish caught was not the point of the day, but rather everything that went with fishing was the highlight.

But with every great adventure there is always a bit of trouble. I was very afraid Wyatt or I would need a trip to the hospital to have a fish hook removed as he was learning to cast his reel. Fortunately no one was hooked except a few fish. After 20 times of telling Wyatt to be careful not to fall into the water I saw he would be learning this lesson on his own. It happened, right at the bank. I was a short distance away as he fell face first into a shallow area. He was out before I could take a step toward him with eyes as big as half dollars. He looked himself over then at me, then came the tears. As I dried him off I explained I had told him to be careful and with sobbing tears running down his muddy little cheeks he said’ “But I didn’t hear you tell me be careful!”

The tears dried away and he was off throwing rocks and chasing ducks. As we drove home Wyatt grinned ear to ear and asked, “Can we come back tomorrow?”

What to Wear

2007-05-10T22:09:00.000-07:00

As I was searching through my closet Wyatt asked, “What are you doing Daddy?” I said, “I’m trying to find something to wear to work tomorrow.” And with that my 4 year old fashion guru had the perfect ensemble in mind. “How about a train shirt?” Why didn’t I think of that? That would be perfect if I was four years old, or worked at a train store I thought to myself and laughed out loud.

Wyatt likes to help out and lending his fashion advice is just one of the ways. He loves to cook, or at least help mix the ingredients. He sometimes asks if we need to mow the grass, “I can use my mower to help you!” he says. Wyatt’s mower churns out bubbles as you push it. Or, “Let’s wash the car today with the hose!” Wyatt hates the automated car wash it scares him something fierce.

In a world where kids would rather sit around and play video games or ride skateboards, it’s nice to know my son wants to spend time with me and be helpful, even if his help sometimes turns out to be a little extra work for me.

People Prayer

2007-04-26T07:00:00.000-07:00

Wyatt and I pray together at dinner and before bed every day. It’s taken two years for him to join in on our praying. When he was two or so, prayer was something he didn’t have time for and wasn’t interested in, but now he usually says the dinner prayer on his own - one he learned from day care. It’s always cute to hear a child pray, something about the innocence of it I guess.

Our bed time prayer usually starts with a traditional child’s prayer like “now I lay me down to sleep” and follows with praying for family members and thankfulness for what God has given us. Last night as we finished his child’s prayer I gave him a kiss, said good night and started to leave the room when Wyatt stopped me and asked “What about the people prayer?” I turned quickly and knelt beside Wyatt’s bed and we gave thanks for the day God had given us and asked that he smile upon Grandma and Popo and Sissy.

And with one last kiss good night, I turned the lights down low, and then I heard the words every parent longs to hear at the end of the day, “I love you Dad!”
Thank you Lord.

Say what you mean?

2007-04-24T04:45:00.000-07:00

Sometimes kids say things they don’t mean. For that matter, so do adults! But it’s often more amusing when a child does it. Like last Saturday night, I put Wyatt in the tub and jokingly said, “Don’t pee in the tub!” I left for two minutes and the first thing he said when I returned, “I didn’t pee in the tub?!” ...Sure you didn’t.

I’m finding that kids say a lot of things they don’t really mean, whether it’s I’m cold when they mean hot or when you don’t give them what they want you hear the heart breaker, “I don’t love you” or “You’re not my friend.” You have to analyze most everything a child says to decode what they really mean. Because the fact is they do love you, as much as they want to be loved by you.

Imagination

2007-04-11T06:58:00.000-07:00

Kids have a great imagination - much better than adults. It seems we loose the wonder of infinite possibilities somewhere between realizing Santa Clause is a fake and getting a job to support ourselves. I was made more aware of this the other day when Wyatt and I were on our way to daycare and he was playing with one of his favorite toys, a crane that I had obviously repaired numerous times as you could tell from all the extra screws and pins in it. I said to Wyatt that I might not be able to repair the crane too many more times because it was getting so worn out. He said, “ That’s OK Daddy I can fix it. Oh man! I left my tools at home!” I replied, “ Well Wyatt you’re just going to have to use your imagination.” He said, “ My imagination? Hmm. Oh man!” And I said, “ What’s wrong?” Wyatt cried out, “I got my imagination all dirty now I’ll have to wash it!” Now that’s a great imagination!

I didn’t give that incident another thought until he had a friend of his over to play. The boys were playing outside and I heard Wyatt’s friend shout, “Oh no, the ladder on the clubhouse broke!” I heard Wyatt reply “That’s ok, I’ll use my imagination and fix it!” And both boys went to work fixing the ladder, using their magical imaginations.

Inhibitions of a 4 year old...

2007-03-09T09:30:00.000-08:00

Last week as Wyatt and I drove home from day care, out of nowhere Wyatt asked, “Daddy, do you have hair on your butt?”………Wow! Where did that come from? He continued on,“Well I don’t have hair on my butt. I will show you when we get out of the car!” And you know I believe had we gotten out of the car at that moment he would have. A couple of weeks ago one of Wyatt’s friends came over to play. The boy hadn’t been in our house five minutes when he said, “Mr. Steve I got new underwear their Power Rangers see!” And with that he dropped his pants and there in front of me were a size four colorful pair of Power Ranger underwear!
What makes little boys do these things? I have no idea but it can be hilarious, shocking, sometimes embarrassing and some day they grow out of it. They do grow out of it right?

Speechless

2007-03-02T10:56:00.000-08:00

Why are you my Father? Wow! You know kids can ask a lot of questions and, of course, some will catch you off guard…that was the case when Wyatt asked me, why was I his father. It doesn’t seem like that difficult of a question at first but when I tried to come up with a logical answer I was speechless, at least for a few minutes. I couldn’t give the common answer, “Because your Mother and I loved one another and when two people love each other …” That would not have been a good answer in this case so I said, “because God blessed me with you.” Not really the answer he was looking for. I then said that his mother and I decided together we wanted to have a little boy. That’s where the thinking of a four year old chimed in with “ Who is this little boy?” After a short laugh I said, “ It’s you, Wyatt, you’re the little boy and I love you.”
To which Wyatt replied, “ How much do you love me?” To the moon and back, more than anything else in the world.

Life Lessons

2007-02-28T14:11:00.000-08:00

It’s amazing how children see life so differently than adults. Not just the glass half full or half empty. A child may not pay much attention to the glass at all but be in wonder of the bubbles rising up in the liquid. Probably why adults don’t pay much attention anymore to the cloud in the sky shaped like a puppy. We’re just a little to busy to take the time to look, or imagine. With Wyatt’s imagination I have been served some delicious food made out of sand and rocks!

Wyatt sometimes likes to help out around the house and sorting laundry can be an adventure. As I instructed him to put the reds in one pile and the whites in another I was corrected, “Daddy, Thomas (the train) goes in this pile and Bob the Builder goes in this pile.” How could I have not known you can’t mix characters?

Are you listening?

2007-02-01T13:22:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much time I spend with Wyatt it’s just not enough. I want to be there for him 24-7 but the fact is I can’t. However, last week Wyatt was sick with a cold and needed to stay home from day care to get some rest. Fortunately, I wasn’t as busy as usual at the office so I was able to stay home with him – although I still answered my phone calls etc. During one such phone call, Wyatt interrupted and I asked him to hold on just a minute. I’m sure it seemed like forever to him but when I hung up I asked what he needed. Wyatt said, “I just wanted to tell you I love you.” With that, all memories of the phone call were gone. That put life into perspective real quick.

Last Sunday he was just getting over his cold and I was in the middle of mine. I just didn’t have the energy to play with him the way he wanted, so at the end of the day I felt bad, like I had let him down a bit. Sure it was just one day but every day with Wyatt is important so I’m a little hard on myself. At any rate, I said I would make it up to him and that was good enough.

You know how sometimes you buy your child something expensive thinking he’s really going to like it but instead is in wonder of the packaging? Sometimes it doesn’t take as much as we think to intrigue our kids. Wyatt and I have seen The Polar Express movie a hundred times and there is a part in the movie where the conductor asks the passengers for their tickets so he can punch them. So I bought a $2 hole-punch and gave it to him last night. That $2 kept us both entertained for the rest of the evening as Wyatt punched my make-believe train ticket over and over. “Tickets please...daddy I need your ticket.”

And one more special moment... I asked Wyatt if he wanted some waffles before we left for day care and he said sure. As I walked to the kitchen I heard “Wait…wait, Daddy!” As I turned to see what was the matter Wyatt reached out and said, “I need a hug.”………………… I’ve got all the hugs you’ll ever need son.

Moments like these...

2007-01-18T18:05:00.000-08:00

In just three short years I have cleaned up Wyatt’s mishaps more times than I can count. Puke from the car seat, floor of the car, his clothes, his bed, my bed. It’s my thought Wyatt was allergic to something last winter so he vomited numerous times. So many he knew when it was coming and would tell me so. After a while it didn’t really bother me too bad. Except one night at dinner, we had just sat down and no sooner finished our prayer when Wyatt hurled all in his plate. Neither of us ate our dinner that night. We never figured out what it was that made him sick but fortunately he got over it.

Then there’s the other end. Wyatt unfortunately has been tough to potty train. The peeing part went pretty well all though he still misses the toilet. But the bowel movements have been a little tougher to get under control. Lot’s of people have said’ “Oh boys are just harder to train.” Then I ask how well their son took to it and it’s, “Well my son was trained at two!” Thanks just what I wanted to hear. But truth is he’s getting much better but last week I got a surprise. I had put Wyatt in the tub and left for just a few minutes while he played with his bath toys. When I returned, he looked up at me and said, “Daddy…can you put this piece of pooh in the potty for me?” Yeah, I shook my head and laughed too! What else could I do but tell him please don’t do that again.

Then there was last weekend when we went to Target, Wyatt is not a good shopper. He loves the carts that have the plastic seat area but he uses very little of the seat. After numerous times of pleading with him to sit down Wyatt said, “Daddy I love you.” There was an older gentleman near by that heard Wyatt. I could see the smile on his face. I said’ “I love you too, son.” If Wyatt only knew at that moment he could have had any toy in the store...I’d be broke right now, wait a minute...I am!

Yes, it’s a laugh a minute...later that same weekend we were going to a local arcade and restaurant with an enormous amount of games. However, before we were to leave I told Wyatt we needed to take a nap. He said sure and laid down with his blanket and pillow on the living room floor and me on the couch. Thirty minutes later I woke to see Wyatt playing. He gave me a devilish grin. I said, “I thought you were supposed to be asleep?” To which he answered, “I told you I was done napping but ….you didn’t here me.” We went to the arcade where Wyatt had a blast and on the way to the car he said, “Daddy that was great fun!” and laid his head on my shoulder from exhaustion of playing so hard…. and no nap.

Each and every moment I have with my son is a true blessing and I thank God everyday for the gift I call “Wyatt.”

As I went down to the river to pray
Studying about that good old way
And who shall wear the robe and crown
Good Lord show me the way
By Allison Krauss

Helpful tips I have learned by necessity...

2007-01-12T08:20:00.000-08:00

I thought I would share some things a parent should know whether you’re a parent for the first time or maybe on your own without the backup of a spouse.

· Buy a book about healthcare for your child’s age. When he wakes up in the middle of the night sick you’ll be better prepared to know what to do.
· Stock up. Keep some liquid Ibuprofen and Acetaminophen around for pain and fever and cough medicine for when they are congested. Bandaids are a must (Wyatt prefers the Cars ones – of course) and an antibiotic ointment. The last thing you’ll want to do is to take your sick child along to the local pharmacy. When your child is sick keep in mind how you feel when your sick and you’ll have a better understanding of what he’s going through.
· Read up on what to expect out of your child socially. An only child may be less likely to share his toys with others if he has never had anyone to share them with. Learn where your child should be mentally for his age. ABC’s, 123’s, Hot from Cold, Left from Right. Your Church may have a faith based magazine strictly covering parenting. These are the only ones I’ve seen that actually include information specifically for fathers as well.
· Forget what you were told about cleaning your plate at dinner. If he ate all his breakfast he’s probably not going to be all that hungry at lunch or even dinner. His stomach isn’t as big as yours so put small portions on his plate. You can always add more and if he isn’t really hungry leave the plate on the table. When he asks for a treat later have him eat some of his dinner first. Don’t make as big deal about it as your parents might have.

I guess here is where I should put something about this list not being created by a professional, etc., etc. In reality, I don’t believe there is any such thing as “professional” parents anyway. I think we are all just working through things, one day at a time, the best we can.

Good luck and God Bless.

My Whole Life!

2007-01-04T06:49:00.000-08:00

Wyatt came home on New Years Eve and I got the big hug I had been waiting for all week! I know he loves me but I can’t help worrying that one of these days when he returns from his mother’s he might shun me like he has her in the past. So far so good.
I did get a great laugh on New Years day when Wyatt said “Daddy, you know what I’ve wanted my whole life?” His whole life? Pretty big statement for a 3 year old!
I laugh every time I think about it. Wyatt wants a TV that looks like a car from a movie he loves.
New Years day was a good time for reflection. I finally put together a scrap book I had bought nearly a year ago. All the pictures, movie stubs and event tickets we had collected over the year. I measured Wyatt’s height, which visually seems to grow by a foot every day. It was a good year for us and as we lay down that night, after reading a few stories, we both thanked God for the year and all it brought us and asked only the New Year be as fruitful as the last one had been.

Share the Love

2006-12-27T17:56:00.000-08:00

Am I the only one in the world asking this question...the one question that comes to mind every holiday, every other weekend, every time Wyatt leaves to spend time with his mother...“How do you share the one thing you cherish most with the one person you care for the least?”

Think about it. If youre not divorced or have never been in a divorced family the question probably breezes right through your head. So give it some thought. It’s not easy. I hate it. But it’s not about me and it’s not about my ex. It’s about Wyatt. It’s his life. To deprive him completely of a relationship with his mother - even if she’s not the best - isn’t right, especially at Christmas. I’ll let him judge her on his own someday. For now I thank God for what he has given me, for the smiles I received from Wyatt as he opened his gifts and for making me a better person, a better father.

I’ll keep busy today and for the rest of the week. The music is turned up to break the ear piercing sound of silence. The phone will ring unanswered because I’d rather not be bothered and I will tend to the chores I have put off for sometime.
On a day that’s meant for family and friends… I’ll spend mine alone.

“I BOWED MY HEAD AND I PRAYED REAL HARD

SAID LORD PLEASE HELP ME HELP MY STUPID SELF.”
Rodney Atkins

Christmas Wishes

2006-12-19T05:40:00.000-08:00

I’ve heard it ten times a day for the last few weeks. “Daddy, you know what I want for Christmas?” And honestly I don’t get tired of hearing it. Maybe somedayday I will, but for now it’s just pretty darn cute. He will be at his Mother’s from Christmas to New Year’s so I took a few days off work to get a little extra Wyatt time. I let him open one present a day until Christmas Eve when Santa brings the rest. That way he gets to play with some of them prior to going to his Mother’s. And yes, I’ve manage to catch his big bright smile on camera.
So for now I’m soaking up all the laughter, smiles and shouts of joy until next week when the sound of silence will lay heavy on our home. You never know just how loud silence can be until you get divorced or lose someone. I’ll keep busy and maybe get caught up on some household chores and wait patiently until Wyatt comes back home.

Merry Christmas to all!

Spoiled

2006-12-11T10:50:00.000-08:00

Wyatt came down the hall last night some 30 minutes after going to bed and said in a pathetic sounding voice, “ I don’t feel well.” I asked what was wrong and Wyatt said,
“ My belly hurts I need some pudding.” I couldn’t help but laugh and on this particular evening caved and gave him the pudding. Wyatt isn’t a spoiled brat he’s a great kid. Well behaved, good manners and seldom gives me a hard time. But I do shower him with special gifts like pudding at 9:00 at night. It seems that as parents, we want the same thing our parents wanted - to give our kids more than we were given. I’m not rich by any means but I spent way more on Christmas toys this year than I should have or even planned to. I just want to see that big beautiful smile when he opens his gifts and I know from the years past that it’s not the cost or the number of gifts. We’ve all seen our kids play with the box the gift came in more than the gift! So why buy more than they need? As Wyatt says, “ I got no idea!” Maybe I’ll hold a few of the gifts back for his birthday and try a little harder next year - I don't know - but I know for sure I'll have the camera ready when he opens them…ready to catch that sweet smile - which is really all I want for Christmas.

When I get where I’m goin there will be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles I have carried all these years
And I’ll leave my heart wide open I will love and have no fears
When I get where I’m goin don’t cry for me down here.
Brad Paisley/ Rivers Rutherford/George Teren

Beautiful Disaster

2006-12-05T14:08:00.000-08:00

So how did I get in this beautiful disaster of a life? Bad decisions? Picked the wrong person to marry? God’s will? Probably a little of all of them. Before my son was born, before I was married I felt like I had lived a pretty good life. Like if it all ended tomorrow I would die happy! Good lord nothing could be further from the truth now. I want to live as long as I can to see my son grow, become a man, have kids of his own. I respect life more now since I’ve been divorced and lost half of my time with my son. Lost seeing my step daughter grow up and the relationship we had. I respect and cherish what God has given me.

It shouldn’t take such drastic events in life to open ours eyes to God….but sometimes we need a little kick in the rear to set us on the straight and narrow.

I’ll live this Life until this Life won’t let me live here anymore. ( Big & Rich )

Day Care

2006-11-29T08:07:00.000-08:00

I never gave a thought about a day care before my divorce. Never really needed to. But there we were, Wyatt and I on our own. When his mother left I had full custody for over a year while she and I battled the divorce process. My parents live three hours away and I had no other relatives to turn to. So I visited about every day care in the area. From the chain day care facilities that cost way too much to the stay at home Mom’s trying to make a few bucks watching other people’s kids. My neighbor helped out for the first week. That gave me time to find a place I could be comfortable leaving Wyatt at.
The first place, a nice lady with a day care in her basement seemed OK. Until I asked where the kids ate. “ Up stairs “ she said. Seven little kids climb 14 steps twice a day? I don’t think so.

On to another in-home day care. She had three kids of her own one about 4. The kids took Wyatt to their room to show him their toys while I talked with their mother. Just a few minutes go by and the 4 year old comes running down the hall through the kitchen and back towards the hall. I turned and saw Wyatt coming the opposite direction. When her 4 year old got to Wyatt he opened the coat closet and shoved Wyatt in and closed the door. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
We left, quickly!

After several more bizarre encounters we finally ended up at a Church Day Care. A place I could drop Wyatt off and know he was being taken care of. It wouldn’t be a center located in a basement with no windows, no dogs, and no steps to climb. Good caring people with a nice playground and lots of toys.

If you ever have to look for a day care look for one you wouldn’t mind staying at for 8-10 hours a day because that’s about how long your kid will be there. A basement with no windows probably won’t be your first choice.

“ You want to hear God laugh? Tell Him your plans.”

Why?

2006-11-07T13:41:00.000-08:00

So you're asking " Why a single Dad for a Blog?" Why not? You can pick up any of dozens of parenting magazines and the majority of what you'll find is from the women's perspective. Single, wishing she were single, to happily married. Sure some of the stories are helpful for Dads as well but the truth is there are more and more single fathers out there that actually want to raise their kids. We're not all dead beats like the news and the courts think.

I love being a father to my son. When asked " If money wasn't a problem what would you do?" Start my own business? Explore the world? Try out for my favorite sport alla Michael Jordan? No, not even close. I know exactly what I would do. I would spend more time with my son. Maybe work part time at his Day Care!

Yeah I know what you're saying, " This Guy is Gay! He needs to get a life!"

Well I have a life. A great life! The fact is my son is growing up. Fast! One day he will move on and raise a family of his own and all this time I spend with him will be just a memory. A memory I intend to never forget. The diaper changes, the vomit all over the car, the staying up all night with a fever, trips to the doctor, temper tantrums, first steps, first words, potty training, all of it.
You see God gave me a gift, a healthy handsome wonderfull happy boy, and I thank him every day.

Now go kiss your kids and call your momma! (Jeff Foxworthy)